12 Aug Staying Together for the Kids Isn’t always the Best Decision

It’s quite common for unhappily married couples to wait until their children have graduated high school (or sometimes even college) before they get a divorce. This decision is usually rooted in a desire to spare the children the trauma associated with watching your parents get divorced. While this may be an admirable goal, the logic is somewhat flawed.

There have been several studies published over the years which interviewed children of divorced parents. Most of the children interviewed in these studies indicated they wished their parents hadn’t waited so long to move forward with their divorce.

There are a variety of reasons why you may do more harm than good to all parties involved by delaying your divorce until the kids are all grown up:

• You and your spouse remain miserable indefinitely instead of moving on with your life and getting the fresh start necessary to once again be happy
• Your children often experience more stress and trauma by watching their parents continue to fight all the time than they would if they lived in 2 happy households
• Children often get caught in the middle when their parents are fighting all the time
• You’re actually modeling poor behavior to your children when you choose to stay in a situation that makes you unhappy rather than take the steps necessary to improve your happiness and well-being

Children are much smarter and more intuitive than they’re often given credit for. If your marriage is failing, they’re going to pick up on the signals more often than not. Ultimately, this creates an unhealthy environment for your children to grow up in. Rather than have them come home to turmoil every day for the rest of their childhood, it may be better for them to have two healthy, stable living environments.

Ultimately, you and your spouse must decide for yourselves when it’s the right time to initiate the divorce. When young children are involved, it’s generally a good idea to consult a mental health professional who specializes in dealing with children of divorced parents while contemplating the timing of your decision. But keep in mind that while staying together for the sake of the kids may be an admirable course of action, may not be the right decision or be in the best interests of everyone involved.

If you need assistance with a divorce matter, please contact the Law Offices of Jeffrey M. Bloom using the form at the top of the page or call (855) 208-3650 today to schedule a consultation. Mr. Bloom serves clients in West New York, and throughout Hudson County and Bergen County, New Jersey.