03 May Insight Into Why Couples Split – What Causes A Marriage to Fall Apart?
A lot of people think infidelity is the leading cause of divorce – and that is just not a fact. Over 100 marriage experts were polled on the reasons why married couples decide to split. Communication problems came out on top as the number one reason marriages fail. Here are the top 5 reasons experts blame for the high divorce rate.
#1 Divorce Cause – Unmet expectations
When a person isn’t happy, our brains tell us that he/she are suppose to make the internal required changes in order to restore order. That assumes the changes are reasonable. This usually takes the form of complaining, blaming, criticizing, threatening, punishing and/or bribing.It’s a recipe for disaster when one or both people in the marriage are attempting to coerce each other into doing things they don’t want to do for their partner’s happiness. When you are unhappy in a relationship, it’s okay to ask for the change you want. But, if your partner doesn’t oblige you, then you become responsible for your own happiness.
#2 Divorce Cause – Lack of individual identity
When you don’t have your own interests or the opportunity to express yourself outside of coupledom, you become “couple dumb.” A codependent relationship is not healthy. If you are not comfortable doing things without your partner, or you don’t know what kind of music, movies, or food you used to like, you are likely in deep and you probably feel like you are drowning and don’t know why.
#3 Divorce Cause – The intimacy disappears
Somewhere in a marriage there is a subtle change in the intimacy department. One person has an off day, there is a misunderstanding or someone doesn’t feel well. Then there’s the idea that he isn’t as romantic or she isn’t as sexual. Whoever is the one with the subtle change can trigger a downward spiral in the intimacy department. As long as both people are getting what they need, they willingly provide what the other person wants. However, when there is a lessening on either’s part, that can trigger a pulling back in the other. If gone unnoticed and unchecked, before the couple realizes, they are seriously intimately estranged and wonder what happened. This can lead to divorce as couples begin to feel unloved and unappreciated.
#4 Divorce Cause – Finances
Lack of finances generally doesn’t cause a divorce, rather the lack of compatibility in financial matters. Opposites can attract but when two people are opposites in the financial department, divorce often ensues. Imagine the conflict if one is a saver and one is a spender. One is focused on the future while the other believes in living for today. One has no problem buying on credit, while the other believes in saving up for what one wants. Over time, this conflict can reach such heights that divorce seems to be the only logical conclusion.
#5 Divorce Cause – Being out of touch… literally.
We aren’t referring to physical contact – you also need to supplement it with little hello and goodbye kisses, impromptu hugs and simply holding hands. Couples who don’t maintain an intimate connection through both sexual and non-sexual actions are destined to become virtual strangers.
Family Law and Divorce Attorney | Jeffrey M. Bloom
Contact the Law Offices of Jeffrey M. Bloom if you’re considering divorce, separation, or have a family law matter. You can reach us at (855) 208-3650.
